The mind...

It can be such a complicated thing to understand how one thinks.I'm so thankful for the most part you don't know what the other person next to you is thinking about as they give you that awkward stare like you have the biggest booger hanging from your nose.Other times I wish I knew what went on in their mind,like if there was an actual booger or maybe they just want to randomly start conversation and don't know how to go about it.Me being the person that analyzes so much of what others think about me drives me insane.I catch myself constantly doing that.I have a hard time letting go and allowing other people to compliment me.Instead I let my mind wonder what negative things might come out.A lot of times I tend to care about others more than myself.Maybe God is trying to show me that I need to care for myself and then let others in.I'm sick and tired of putting myself the lowest of the lows.Things were a lot simpler as a kid.Not a care in the world(for the most part).When you hit middle school,everything just seems to get pretty rough.Always wanting to fit in and be excepted by others.Never really taking notice to what God saw of me instead.I'm ashamed of that.I don't really know who I am anymore.I'm working on trying to love myself and what God made me to be.It's just that I've listened to the lies of the enemy for so long.The enemy who makes me believe I'm no good for anyone,myself and God alone.This might all sound a little cliche,but it's true.I'm tired of running and pretending like everything is just fine when it's not.I get tired of being "I'm good" or "I'm fine" whenever someone asks how I'm doing.I want to truly say those words without doubt behind them.I want a clear mind back.I want my joy back.I want who God says I am back.But for now I hold onto these lyrics from Rita Springer:

"I have to believe,Lord,help my unbelief.."

So true.

-Rebecca Elizabeth